he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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