I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just gargled with NyQuil
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
