put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
