No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
