like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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