i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to calm my uterus...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
