i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
