Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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