Plan B is the new Plan A
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
