Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
