I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
