dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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