wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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