I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
