...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
