OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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