Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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