My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
