ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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