What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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