I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
