We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
