You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
