i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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