we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
