she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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