i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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