Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
