apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
