Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
