we have pet lesbian snakes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
