I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
