Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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