I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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