apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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