conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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