i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
