I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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