Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
