You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
