I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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