Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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