HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
