took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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