Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
