Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
