we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
