i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
