I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
