just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
