how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
